Self Sabotage - Really?

Is Self Sabotage Really a "thing" or are we giving ourselves another excuse to be mediocre? 

OK, so I am thinking through, deliberating, chewing, pondering over the concept of Self Sabotage.

At the outset of this blog let me say that it might simply be a massive exercise in “splitting hairs!” , so before you shoot me down let me reiterate that, for me at least, I’m not saying it isn’t real, or that’s it’s not a very real phenomena!!

I’m simply stating that for me, the jury is still out, as to whether Self Sabotage is really a “thing”, or whether it should actually be a “thing”. (At the outset may I also point out that I am not a psychologist!)

Self Sabotage is generally described as … behaviors, beliefs or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do or achieving what you want to achieve.

As I’ve studied and read around these behaviors that hold us back or sabotage us in our pursuit of goals, I have to say that I don’t disagree with the study and the observations of the behavior's per se – I’m just not convinced that the term “Self Sabotage” is helpful or necessarily the correct collective description of these behaviors.

My belief is that in the pursuit of understanding human potential and our ability to “underachieve” we might have successfully provided ourselves with yet another excuse to be underachievers or, dare I say it…??? Lazy! Have we perhaps given ourselves another reason to be average!

I am concerned that we are adding more defeatist language to our repertoire that only manages to feed our negative, confirmation bias more than it needs confirming!

Someone who has a very poor self-image might be said to be self-sabotaging when they want a loving relationship with a significant “other”, but continuously say and do things to push that significant “other” away and fall into yet another failed relationship… because they don’t believe that they are worth it! Someone might claim they really want a promotion at work but then say and do things to sabotage their chances because they don’t feel or believe that they are worthy of that position. Their failure to get that promotion or happy relationship fuels their BELIEF that they don’t deserve or are not worthy of it anyway!

My context, it must be said is in the Sales Arena, where countless people are setting amazing goals in terms of sales and income, only to fall short of those expectations, and, under investigation, it transpires that they held to habits and behaviors that sabotaged their success.

I have always believed that we behave or act within the realm or boundaries of our beliefs. If I believe that I have a bad temper I’ll probably display that kind of behavior. If I believe that I am an idiot it’ll probably cause me to do idiotic things. If I believe that I can only earn a certain amount of money , I’ll apply for jobs or do the number of sales required to achieve that number. From a perspective we behave more in accordance with our beliefs and not our potential. My belief about my potential will actually cap my potential.

What I am saying is that this is not about self sabotage but rather about the belief itself. My concern is that the term Self Sabotage gives people another excuse for why they’re not developing or achieving.

Someone setting a goal at $ 10 000-00 worth of income only puts in the effort to earn $ 4 000-00 then blames Self Sabotage and my concern is that there’s a sense that the individual cannot do anything about it!! (…or believes that they cannot do anything about it!). BUT…. They have still hit a target…$ 4 000-00.

I struggle with the concept that they are going for $ 10 000-00 AND $ 4 000-00 or that they are actually “moving” both towards and away from $ 10 000-00 at the same time.

My feelings are that the belief is the problem…and that’s something individuals can do something about! The person says they’re aiming for the $ 10 000-00 but actually they only believe that they can do, or are worth, $ 4 000-00 and they hit their BELIEF target! $ 4 000-00. I am convinced that if we can get the individual to raise their belief, that their behavior will follow!

As I said earlier, I am not a psychologist and consequently this could a total red herring, but an interesting one at any rate!

Keep going for it !